I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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