just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
