didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
