She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Someone shattered a urinal.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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