I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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