I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
