I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
