i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
