you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
