How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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