They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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