I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
