Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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