I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
