Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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