K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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