I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
