I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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