That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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