new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
i think im in europe. pls send help
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
