u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
