i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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