you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Randomize
