at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
