peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
