have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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