I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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