before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
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