Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
