I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
