I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
