I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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