woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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