Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
