i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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