I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
