She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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