i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
