um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
