Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
