I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
