i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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