so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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