The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It's official drugs can't kill me
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
