don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Randomize
