Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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