Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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