I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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