tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
