plz talk dirty to me
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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