i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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