I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
