Betty ford says i'm here all night
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
