She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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